Carmen Read online

  Carmen

  Love Drought Series Book 3

  nako expo

  Nako

  Contents

  Stay Connected

  Vibes

  Prologue

  Dedication

  1. I’m about to go in beast mode – Tammy Rivera

  2. Healed, but still a work in progress. – Jhene Aiko

  3. Niggas die every day, can’t control that – Nipsey Hussle

  4. You’re such a fuckin woman – Lucky Daye

  5. I put my heart into senseless things. Money, bitches and street shit – J. Cole

  6. Apparently, you believe in me – J. Cole

  7. Don’t waste my time trying to prove that I’m something to see – Kehlani

  8. I wrote this cus you won’t pick up the phone – DVSN

  9. Won’t gain no empathy from me. Don’t check on me – Justin Bieber

  10. You make my worries fly away - Mahalia

  11. Do you know what my love is? If I decide to choose you – Jhene Aiko

  12. I know you’ve been wondering if I’ll trust again – Asiahn

  13. On a scale of one to ten… Elle Varner

  14. If you believe in me, prove it – Big K.R.I.T

  15. Need you for my sanity. Need you to remind me where I come from –SZA

  16. I wrote it down and I followed through – Nipsey Hussle

  72 Hours Before Trip…

  48 Hours Before The Trip

  24 Hours Until The Trip

  17. She got wife written all on her – J. Cole

  18. I am your woman. I belong to you –Beyoncé

  19. Crying tears of purple rain – HIM

  20. What I’m supposed to do when these racks blue. Oooh. Oooh - Future

  21. If anybody knows, girl you know I know – Drake

  22. Trust me at the top, it isn’t lonely - Drake

  Epilogue

  Author’s Note

  About the Author

  Discussion Questions

  Stay Connected

  Subscribe To Nako’s Youtube Channel: Nakoexpo

  Standalones

  Self-Help Books

  Copyright 2019 by Nako. Published by NakoEXPO Presents.

  All rights reserved nakoexpo.com

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales or, is entirely coincidental. No portion of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without the writer’s permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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  Vibes

  Music guides my words.

  While reading, indulge in the playlist exclusively on Tidal & Apple Music.

  Prologue

  “Is the microphone on?” The producer asked his assistant.

  Neezy was puffin’ on something real potent. Enjoying the vibe. High off life.

  That was a blessing in itself.

  His hat was tucked low and flipped to the back. One would have to stand right in front of him to get a glimpse of the emerald speckles in his eyes.

  His bushy eyebrows were an inherited trait from his father. He never met the man, but his momma used to tell him that all the time.

  During a brief stint in prison, he inked his body up.

  The CEO of the label that he’d been signed to since the beginning, absolutely hated all the tattoos. Neezy called it, “Art.”

  On the knuckles of his fingers he had “Money 4 LIFE,” in honor of his brother who was gunned down serving food to the homeless.

  Life had humbled him.

  Losing his brother could have took him out but Neezy stood strong.

  His eyes scanned the area.

  He was surrounded by love.

  His niece was present.

  The team was here too.

  Manager. Assistant. Publicist. Photographer and a heap of real niggas that would die for him.

  “Can we get you anything to make you comfortable?”

  He shook his head, “I’m already awesome.” His eyes were low and hazy.

  Shoulders relaxed. His clothes fit good. He was great. What else did he need?

  Neezy born Nehemiah T. Walker.

  No one knew what the T stood for and he kept it that way.

  The name Nehemiah was derived from the Bible. His mother didn’t play about the Lord.

  She shoved it down their throats growing up.

  Probably why when he was old enough, he went the other way.

  Green, red, and yellow beads were the only evidence of his religion.

  He didn’t talk about it and it was off-limits in interviews.

  People knew not to even go there with him.

  He was a millionaire but was still a certified hood nigga.

  Neezy would kill you. Period.

  Eastland Huffington approached him.

  A brother from another mother.

  A man that stood up and filled a pair of shoes that his brother left behind came over and dapped him up.

  “I’m late but I’m here.”

  Neezy was happy to see him, “All gravy, my G.”

  They shared a hug as well.

  Few more minutes till show time. He peeped the time on his watch.

  “Where is Juice? I see everyone but him,” East looked around.

  Juice, the big man in charge wouldn’t make it today but he sent his love and a gem which he’d become known for via Twitter over the past few months.

  He was getting his Rev. Run on and Neezy was tickled.

  “Out of town. New artist. I’m old news now,” he kidded.

  That was far from the truth, but it came with the business. Juice had done what he had to do for Neezy’s career. The seed had been planted, watered and seen about. Now, they reaped the harvest of their sacrifice.

  “I don’t plan on being here long. They only got seven questions.”

  He wasn’t one of many words if a microphone wasn’t in front of him. Although, technically he would be handed a mic, they weren’t in a studio recording music, so it didn’t count.

  Neezy was a private person and it would remain that way before and after this interview.

  “I remember these days, long time ago…” East remembered when Nia put all their business on front street a few years ago.

  “Yeah you know I know!”

  Neezy was aware of the “scandal” that they partook in; unwillingly.

  The set silenced out of nowhere, he looked up in search of the reason and saw Nia walking towards him.

  “When she entered the room, the Red Sea parted,” he joked to Eastland who didn’t even have to turn around to know who his partner was referencing.

  “You ready?” she asked with stilled eyes on Neezy.

  Her face was stone. He’d only seen her turn up a few times. For the most part she always seemed ready for war…or to get a check. He could dig it though.

  “Yep.”

  Nia spoke to East, it was curt.

  Neezy peeped it and kept his mouth shut. East bid him a head nod and stepped off the stage.

  “Okay, l
et’s roll.”

  He motioned for his assistant to come over and grab the rest of his blunt. He would finish it when they got in the car.

  She didn’t play no games. Five minutes later, the camera was rolling.

  “You were very adamant about seven questions so my team went back and forth for hours to get the best damn seven questions we could. Here we are…”

  Nehemiah flashed a Colgate sponsored smile.

  “Let’s do it.”

  “Question number one, Who is your inspiration?”

  Without much thought, he knew who it was and fans all across the map were incredibly shocked when he didn’t say his brother, MONEY.

  “Aah…easy breezy. Thanks for taking it light on me,” he laughed, smoothly.

  Nia smiled and waited on him to answer.

  Neezy rested on his knees… he knew the world was gon’ go crazy and she would too.

  “This fine, caramel, incredibly talented, Heaven sent woman. My wife, Carmen.”

  In true Beyoncé fashion…the world stopped.

  Even Nia Hudson didn’t know that they’d married.

  “When? Huh? What?”

  Neezy laughed, “Yeah, yeah, few months ago. We’re going to have the reception on a yacht next summer in Greece.”

  He searched the studio for her, but she was nowhere to be found. Probably somewhere running around in the back, handling business. As always.

  “Carmen Kincaid is your inspiration?”

  “Well, yeah now….it’s Carmen Walker,” he corrected her.

  Dedication

  For Karen, Thank You.

  Your encouragement while writing this book…(including the millions of times that I stopped and started) meant more to me than you will ever know.

  One

  I’m about to go in beast mode – Tammy Rivera

  “Can you hear me?” someone said as they probed into her eyes. The light from the small microscope blinded her.

  How would it feel if I shoved a bright ass light into your face?

  Carmen cringed at the temperature of the room paired with the stark breath blowing over her and the not so comfortable way she was feeling.

  The doctor sung, “Come on Carmen…”

  “Is she alive?”

  Momma!

  That was her mother’s voice.

  She knew it better than she probably knew her own.

  “She’s been alive, they done told us that a million times.”

  Damn, what is my ugly ass daddy doing here?

  Unfortunately, she knew his voice too. Carmen wondered could they see her large orbs rolling to the back of her head.

  What was he doing there?

  Wait…

  Where in the hell am I?

  She tried to sit up and like the youth choir on Easter Sunday everyone sung in unison, “Nooooo!”

  Why are they telling me no?

  What am I doing wrong?

  Carmen wanted to demand answers, but something was blocking her from talking.

  She finally opened her eyes and saw her momma, daddy, brother, and her brother’s mother, who was her father’s wife.

  She searched the room for her kid.

  Kniko.

  Her son.

  She remembered him…

  The only thing she had done right in life.

  Speaking wasn’t possible…she tried again though, “Kniii,” her words were jumbled.

  “Carmen, do you know where you are?”

  “Do you recognize any of these people?” the doctor spoke to her as if she had lost her memory or something.

  She knew her family.

  Her screwed-up, complicated ass family.

  Nevertheless, they were hers.

  And, they loved her.

  Over the years, she often doubted and questioned their love and support but their faces peering at her right now reminded her that they were one. The Kincaids.

  She nodded her head.

  “Do you know what happened to you?”

  Her mother had tears in her eyes.

  Carmen’s memory was foggy.

  She didn’t want to say yes or no, because truth be told she wasn’t sure.

  “That stupid mother fucker tried to kill you!” Casey, her brother bawled.

  Her mother pursed her lips together.

  She clearly hadn’t processed what happened to her daughter.

  Slowly but surely, she recalled the moments that led up to the reason behind her being in a hospital bed and feeling like she had been hit by multiple buses back to back.

  “What are you saying?” her husband of seven years asked her for the fourth time or maybe it was the twelfth. Honestly, she had tuned out minutes ago. Her mind was already on the new life ahead of her. She was shedding this dead weight and repairing her broken soul. By herself. All Alone. The next chapter of life would be by her lonesome, but she didn’t care. She was eager to pack her things and get going.

  “Carmen,” he called her name with more force than he had ever used in his little life.

  That’s how she viewed everything concerning him, little. His little hands and feet, his little voice, little dreams, little ambition and not to mention his penis as well. He was small and in the past seven years of their awful marriage she had allowed him to minimize her as well.

  She used to be full of life and still…on the outside looking in, things were…great.

  But she wasn’t happy.

  And where she was right now in life, it didn’t fulfill her. She wanted more, she expected more. Marrying at eighteen just because she was pregnant wasn’t her plan, but her parents’. She refused to allow them or anyone else to dictate her doings.

  Carmen planned on divorcing her “little husband,” moving to California, and not looking back.

  She had plans to become the best at whatever the fuck she decided she wanted to be.

  That was her plan.

  “I’m saying that I don’t want to be with you anymore. I can’t do this,” she shook her head as she looked down at the ring. The ring that everyone fawned over. The ring that people swore was the prettiest jewel they ever saw, yet she wasn’t impressed.

  No thought went into the purchase.

  In fact, he lacked empathy. He didn’t know what she liked or disliked, he knew nothing. Carmen had to get out of there.

  Divorce or separation, she didn’t give a damn what he decided on, she was leaving regardless.

  “Why?” he was curious to know what he had done wrong for her to come home from the grocery store and drop this bomb on him.

  He was watching television, drinking a beer and eating peanuts…waiting on dinner to get done. It was his simple routine after work on Monday. So, what was the issue?

  “You don’t work. What are you going to do Carm?” he reminded her.

  That was one thing she wouldn’t miss, the way he said her name. The way he looked down at her. The way he spoke to her as if she was beneath him.

  What she had learned in the past few weeks about marriage had her eyes and heart wide open. Marriage was about balance. He didn’t do that for her, he didn’t level her out. Instead, he was a weight so damn big that she couldn’t breathe.

  “I don’t know yet, nor do I care. What I do know is that I’m getting out of here…tonight.”

  He huffed, “Oh yeah, I bet.” He wasn’t about to keep feeding into this shit. Carmen wasn’t going anywhere.

  She nodded her head saying, “Okay.”

  She felt the same way, no longer would she stand before him wasting time. So, she backpedaled out of his man cave and walked down the hallway and made a left into their bedroom. She was ready to pack her things and head out.

  Her son was at her brother’s house and earlier they spoke of her plans. He told her there was no rush in picking him up and Carmen thanked him a million times over.

  There wasn’t anything of major importance that she just had to have tonight. Her plan was to return while he was at work at a later day in t
he week to really pack up her belongings.

  She grabbed her toiletry bag and tossed a few pair of panties in a Victoria Secret overnight bag. After snatching her phone charger out of the socket behind the nightstand on her side of the bed, she picked up her bible and headed for the steps.

  This was the happiest she had been in seven years. Seriously.

  With every step she took, a lone tear fell down her face as she picked her head up and counted down the seconds until this miserable ass marriage was behind her.

  “Baby?” her husband called her name from the top of the steps.

  She held her breath as she turned around to see what the hell he wanted for the last time.

  POW! POW!

  POW! POW!

  POW! POW!

  She felt the shots as the bullets pierced her body in different places. Her husband hadn’t missed not one shot.

  Images of her giving birth to her son, the degree that she never received because he rather her stay home and raise their child, and memories of the life she always envisioned for herself were the last things that crossed her mind before she crashed backwards and closed her eyes as her heart beat slowed…

  I am alive…. She thought to herself.

  “You’re a lucky woman,” the doctor informed her.

  Carmen reached for her mother, hoping she could understand what she was trying to say. However, with a tube down her throat, there wasn’t much she could do.

  Thankfully, Casey had the magic idea to hand her a pencil and notepad.

  “Here sis, write it down.”